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“I have memories and photos everywhere, including a cushion with his face on. If I close my eyes, I can still hear him saying ‘love you nanny’” – bereavement support has helped Sally come to terms with the death of brave grandson J-Jay

A bereaved grandmother says she is now able to laugh and smile when reflecting on her grandson’s life – partly thanks to counselling from the children’s hospice that cared for him.

Ten-year-old J-Jay Wood, from Colchester, was diagnosed with clear cell sarcoma in 2021.

The tumour was in his pelvis and dug into the base of his spine and left hip, which meant it was impossible to operate. However, he defied the odds and lived for another 18 months, before losing his battle in November 2022.

He underwent various rounds of chemotherapy and, at one point, it appeared the tumour was shrinking. Sadly, that proved not to be the case and J-Jay, mum Marie and dad Michael were put in contact with East Anglia’s Children’s Hospices (EACH).

They spent time at The Treehouse but most of the care and support they received was delivered at home – complying with J-Jay’s wish.

His death came as a body blow to nan Sally Ruggier, who struggled to come to terms with her grief in the months that followed.

However, she has spoken of the difference bereavement counselling and support has made.

“At one point, I was just going through the motions, struggling through each day and without seeing any light at the end of the tunnel,” she said.

“It was too hard to look at photos or talk about J-Jay.

“You don’t expect to outlive your children and you certainly don’t expect to outlive your grandchildren.

“Now I’m able to laugh and smile when I remember him and that’s definitely in part due to my counselling. It’s really helped me.

“I’m so proud of J-Jay. I have memories and photos everywhere, including a cushion with his face on which I sit with every day.

“If I close my eyes, I can still hear him saying ‘love you nanny’ and I have voice messages on my phone which I still listen to sometimes.

“He’ll always be my little squirrel, which is what I called him after watching him chew food one day.

“He looked like a squirrel eating a nut and the nickname stuck. Then when he started wearing glasses he became Professor Squirrel!”

Sally has her own poor health to contend with, discovering she has blood cancer a month before J-Jay’s diagnosis.

In the month he died, she was in hospital being treated for sepsis.

Although not able to be discharged from West Suffolk Hospital, she was allowed home for a short period to say her goodbyes. J-Jay died the following morning.

“I felt he hung on to see me,” said Sally, who has ten other grandchildren and lives in Sible Hedingham, near Halstead.

“It was a traumatic time and a hell of a blow, because I loved him so much.

“He was an old soul – an old head on young shoulders – and, as a family, we’ll always be grateful for EACH’s support.

“It made a massive difference to us all, especially his mum, Marie, who was effectively on her own and dealing with things 24-7.

“Even so, she didn’t complain once and I’m so pleased and proud to call her my daughter.

“She’s been amazing throughout this whole period, effectively becoming a full-time nurse for her son.

“She was such a warrior and is the strongest woman I know.”

As a way of showing their gratitude, Sally and her family have become regular fundraisers for EACH.

Family and friends including Marie and J-Jay’s eight-year-old sister, Jenna-May, completed the recent Piglet Junior Hog event, near Woodbridge.

Participating under the name of J-Jay’s Turtles, they raised a magnificent £1,150.

“Although I wasn’t able to take part myself, I stood by the finish line and loved cheering them on,” said Sally.

“It’s a brilliant event and, as a family, we want to raise as much as we can for EACH.

“It’s our way of repaying the hospice for the all the care and support we received.

“I remember when The Treehouse opened. I heard about the fundraising appeal on the radio and made a couple of donations.

“I was pleased when they broke ground and then officially opened the building, but never did I dream that one day we’d use the services.

“It’s a place and charity I feel very strongly about.”

Find our notes to editors here.

Keep in touch:

For further information about this release please contact:

Matt Plummer | Media and PR Manager | 07738 328058 | Matt.Plummer@each.org.uk

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